34 Comments:

At May 19, 2008 4:13 AM,  DrillerAA said...

While I am not a huge fan of John Hagee, he recently delivered a sermon that warned against underestimating the power of our children.
One of your children may be President of the United States someday. One of your children may be the doctor that finds the cure for cancer. Mary's child turned out to be the Son of God!
Don't underestimate the power of your children. They are a gift and a blessing from God Almighty.

 

At May 19, 2008 4:46 AM,  MamaArcher said...

Just think of the impact for the kingdom of God if those children are raised to love, honor, and bring glory to the name of Christ!

 

At May 19, 2008 5:14 AM,  Martha said...

HUGS. I'm sorry you had to sit through that conversation. I'm amazed that that woman could give birth so many times. What a miracle and blessing. I, like you, believe there are no numbers on the perfect family. It could be anything from 1 to apparently 69. God knows what He has planned for us!

 

At May 19, 2008 5:40 AM,  Lisa said...

Wow! How sad to hear a comment like that anywhere, and especially by ladies who claim to love the Lord and what His Word says.

 

At May 19, 2008 5:55 AM,  Kristin said...

Having just found out we're expecting #6, we've gotten several comments ranging from positive to pretty negative. And one of the more negative comments was from my mother -- a pastor's wife.

I'm just shaking my head thinking about this conversation! And the fact that she completely ignored your comment is... I don't even have the words.

To end on a positive note, the wonderful woman that has been head of Children's Ministries in our church for YEARS came up to me on Sunday and said along the lines of, "I hear you are working on keeping my job secure for many more years!" Then she gave me a huge hug ;) It was great to have such a positive response!

 

At May 19, 2008 6:20 AM,  Terri Sue said...

I'm sorry about this.
Terri Sue

 

At May 19, 2008 6:20 AM,  Jolene said...

Wow! This just unfathomable to me!

My husband and I are Quiverfull yet unable to conceive at this time. We found out that we are being blessed with an adoption match (More on this later!). The women in the pew next to me hugged me and whispered in my ear, "Oh please plan on a large family. When your old you will look back and wish you'd had more".

It touched my heart that despite the majority in our churches that are naysayers, there are those that still see children as a blessing and a heritage!

There is hope for every man and woman in this world! His name is Jesus Christ! Let us all pray for HIM to be working in the hearts of all those on earth, Christian and non-Christian.

 

At May 19, 2008 6:46 AM,  ladyofvirtue said...

As I hold my 14th nursing child in my arms I can definitely tell you there is no such thing as an "unwanted puppy" for the woman who has had her heart changed by God.

Sherry

 

At May 19, 2008 6:57 AM,  Ann'Re @ Home said...

How heartbreaking to hear such comments. I pray that the Lord will change their hearts.

 

At May 19, 2008 7:39 AM,  Sarah said...

Wow! I am saddened to hear this. We only have 3 and while I pray for more so far the Lord has not given ME what I want, His answer for now is wait. I keep praying that I will get that positive at the end of the month. I have heard many terrible comments, one being from my BIL who is supposed to be a devout Catholic and following the no BC thing, that we have too many children. I asked DH he should ask him then which one we should get rid of? I just don't understand the negativity. I don't judge others for deciding to use BC or not to have children at all I don't understand why, even Christians, feel the need to judge those of us who don't. I too though often feel some judgement from other QF who have more children than we do, I get the feeling sometimes they look at us and think they can't be QF because they only have three. Why the judgement from other QF families? Doesn't QF mean you are open to God's will regardless if that means He closes your womb and you have no biological children to a woman who has 69 :)

Sarah
www.homeschoolblogger.com/OhioSarah

 

At May 19, 2008 7:44 AM,  Marci said...

I too, recently had a discussion about children. I asked an engaged young woman if she wanted to have children when she got married, or how many she wanted. This Christian preschool teacher said, "Well I always wanted a large family. It started at 6, then 4, then 2, but now I don't want any. I guess I have just gotten selfish and want my own way." Her honestly kind of shocked me. Because I think that it is only our self-centeredness that stops us from seeing the blessing that the Lord has made children into. Luckily I was able to explain that that is exactly why I thought God wanted us to have children, to help us deny ourselves daily and so we can understand God's position with us. I don't know if I changed her heart at all.

 

At May 19, 2008 7:51 AM,  mamazee said...

I was shopping in a nearby town the other day, and brought just my little baby (6 weeks) in with me -My husband was holding her and some ladies ran up squealing to see a new baby... they asked "is it your first?" and when i said "no, my seventh" they said "well, then it's probably not that exciting to you"... How so? There is no number where you become blase to the miracle of life, and i'm maybe more in awe this time than any other of the tiny beauty of my little girl. Maybe i forget how beautiful, how small, how new. Every first smile, every first clear stare into your eyes by this new little person, is a greeting from someone you are totally in love with, just as much as baby #1 or #6 :)... but it does seem to be something people don't *get* until they are there themselves... Just like it was hard for me to fathom loving a new baby as much as my firstborn :)

 

At May 19, 2008 7:58 AM,  Anonymous said...

I often think the question is do they want to hear the truth? Do they care? It is sad but I find that to be true especially if they're not open to God's leading in their own lives?

The puppy comment is just ridiculous isn't it? I would have likely said something about that one.

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/stillearning/

 

At May 19, 2008 8:06 AM,  Kristin said...

I already commented, but had to add to what mamazee said about each baby evoking such awe. With each one, I have been more amazed and more smitten right from the start. I appreciate them more, and I hang on to them longer and tighter. I just want to make sure I don't miss anything! I've found myself becoming even more protective of them.

New baby not exciting?? Wow.

 

At May 19, 2008 8:46 AM,  Jenni said...

My goodness this burdens my heart. I am expecting our 6th in August, and we could not be more thrilled and thankful to the Father. I have gotten so many comments. Among the nicer we have gotten is "Oh, she's not tired of that yet?" Tired of it? It is just as amazing, wonderful, and beautiful each time. As for the "puppy" comment, it sadly does not surprise me when we live in a culture that values pets more than children anyway. Despicable words that I am sorry that you had to endure. Praise the Lord that you are not blind to to the truth and you can live in the freedom of obedience to the Father!

http://www.thefullquiverhomeschoolhouse.wordpress.com

 

At May 19, 2008 8:55 AM,  Martha A. said...

This is really sad, considering you look at Russia and where they have gone where abortion is used as BC as the most common form of BC.
There are still though many Russians with very large families, much larger than the Duggars sometimes. It is common for a mom to have more than 9 as that is a fairly small family as most of the denominations, that are a little conservative, do not believe in using BC. I know many moms there who have many, many children without multiples.
Anyhow, the thing I find sadder than this (as I expect this from people) is the moms of many that I meet that say they wonder if they should have had so many children now that they are older. That scares me! They are struggling with their weight, depression, teenage problems and are tired as they are getting older and cannot keep up. What do you say to that when you hear it?

 

At May 19, 2008 9:19 AM,  MamaArcher said...

MArtha A.-
I have not heard anyone say they regretted having so many children. But even the examples you have given are rooted in selfishness and not relying upon the grace, strength and sovereignty of God. I guess though I would remind them of what God says in scripture about the blessings and about how we are even to suffer for the Gospel. Sometimes as we seek to train our children for the cause of Christ we do suffer. That does not make His blessings any less of a blessing. Even our suffering can be a blessing if we allow God to work within us and to refine us through those trials.

 

At May 19, 2008 9:33 AM,  Ginger said...

Wait a minute. Wait a minute! This post ended too soon. What was your response to the free puppy comment?

You seem surprised that Christians have been deceived into believing the enemy's greatest lie. I'm not, sadly.

 

At May 19, 2008 9:51 AM,  Anonymous said...

Oh, mercy! I don't know what I would have said, probably just stared at the poor lady, speechless. :(

My FIL recently told me when people ask if we are done (we have 2 living) we should say "for now". I can't figure out why? Needless to say, we just found out we have been blessed again, due in Jan '09 - and I'm not in a rush to explain the the 15.5 month God-chosen spacing when they thought 19mo was too close. :)

I'm with Ginger, did you say something or just stare?

Ashley

www.homesteadblogger.com/Jonash2004

 

At May 19, 2008 10:03 AM,  Audrey said...

My GG Grandmother had 22 children with 3 sets of twins. Although I never had the privelage of meeting her she is my inspiration and I delight in knowing that I am here today because of her faithfullness to love and receive children as they came.

 

At May 19, 2008 10:52 AM,  MamaArcher said...

my hubby says I should have said something. I was so shocked I didn't. Maybe I need to be bolder or maybe that shock was what God used to keep me from saying something that I shouldn't.

 

At May 19, 2008 10:55 AM,  Sara M. said...

that would have left me speechless, for sure! even now, I can't think of anything to say.....

wow, that is sad........

 

At May 19, 2008 12:04 PM,  psalm127 said...

Unfortunatly I hear these kind of comments all the time. At our church we are like a novelty "the family with all those kids" comments like "ok we can close the church now there is no more room" or "here is 20% of our congregation" but beyond that they don't want to get to know us. we have been there for over three years, I worked in the nursery every Sunday and my husband taught a Sunday school class for those three years. No one knows us, no one has accepted our invatations to come over, nor asked us to their place. They know if we aren't there but don't really talk to us when we are. Well when our commitments are finished in three weeks they will notice we are not there any more.

 

At May 19, 2008 12:41 PM,  MamaArcher said...

Psalm127-I am so sorry you are having to endure that at your church. Read about the testing of your faith in James 1 it might be an encouragement to you. The thing that often catches us off guard I think, is that we do not expect trials & persecutions to come from within the body of Christ but all too often they do and that is hard.

 

At May 19, 2008 12:42 PM,  sunniemom said...

I remember when my #4 was on the way, and rather than getting upset over the strange things folks would say about bearing children, I began to come up with humorous responses. For instance, when someone asked "Do you know what causes that?" I said "Yes, and I enjoyed it tremendously. You should try it some time."

Crass maybe, but it sure shuts up the ninnies who are rude enough to ask such a question.

I have listened to a couple of sermons by Voddie Baucham on the subject of the church's attitude toward children, and he is spot on. The idea of children as inconveniences to be tolerated or burdens to be borne instead of a joy to be cherished is beyond me.

None of us moms are sporting halos- we do get weary at times- but our heart attitude should never be one of resentment of our kids.

 

At May 19, 2008 4:55 PM,  Sisterlisa said...

May the Lord use you to help change the minds of these women MamaArcher. The world has had a strong affect on Christian women today. We need to do all we can to abstain from hearing the teaching of the philosophies of the enemy. Much of it is taught via music, movies, and television programs, beginning with preschool shows.

 

At May 19, 2008 6:57 PM,  Becca said...

It's a shame, and makes me sad, like you, Kristine. How many people are going to arrive in heaven and have the blessings they missed out on hit them between the eyes? I hate that for them. :-/

 

At May 20, 2008 1:19 AM,  Lian said...

I'm stopping by here for the first time. I think it's amazing that a woman is willing to go through that many pregnancies and have that many children. It is sad these days that the trend is to have less children or no children at all. Definitely it is difficult to raise many children. May there be more of us going "against the tide" then with it.

 

At May 20, 2008 6:16 AM,  Kysha said...

I would love to hear how you handle comments about your family size from church members or other well meaning Christians. We have five but welcome more children and we tend to get such negative comments and mostly from our own church family. We are the family in our church.

 

At May 20, 2008 7:00 AM,  MamaArcher said...

I do not always say something; every situation is different. When I do, it is often to emphasize that God says children are a blessing and a heritage and should be abundant like olive shoots around our table. He is sovereign and Lord over EVEN the womb (sometimes we run into the "yep, he can work around our BC if He wants to give us a baby"..I addressed this in the Submission to Sovereignty post) and that the command to be fruitful and multiply was never rescinded. I mention how we are raising an army for the Lord.

If people say we have too many and are really not even willing to listen to anything but just want to be nasty, I have been known to ask which child they think the Lord did not want here on this earth..that usually shuts them up. This is rarely the case though.

 

At May 21, 2008 4:43 AM,  theheartofthehome said...

Your strength of tongue amazes me. It also does my heart so much good to see the growing number of families that do desire and love more children.
We, due to many reasons I can't go into here, have only one son. Though we desperately wanted more this is the design for our family and I love our son! And I love spending time with him and having him with me each day. He is our quiverfull in that he is a complex child (and who isn't), with a deep love for the Lord. I love that he and I can spend our days together, sometimes with it being spend "just" talking about the Lord. I find that even with one child, people judge you for that and I receive more advice that I care to have on keeping him home "all alone" with me. I can tell you he is much better off with me homeschooling than socializing with the world.
Thanks for sharing. I love seeing and hearing about families who see children for exactly what they are. A blessing from the Lord.

 

At May 22, 2008 2:52 PM,  Steph and Mitch T said...

I recently had a friend look at me and ask, "But Steph, what do you say to the person who says, 'I don't want 6 or 10 or however many children the Lord wants to bless me with'?" I sat there stunned for a minute at her open honestly. I'm not a very fast thinker, and my words are often muddled. But I did my best to reply. I said, "That is between you and God." I know how I feel when people feel free to make negative (or just plain rude) comments towards the number of children we have, and I don't feel that it is any of their business. Likewise, I really tried to hit home with her that it really doesn't matter what I think of her decision. I was so sad that I felt like she expected me to tell her what to do or condemn her decision to prevent. It was so hard to be in that position (and it was in a room with other women too)! The comment that brought the whole thing on was a comment by me where I shared that my marriage is blessed (especially the intimate part of our marriage) by our decision to be quiverfull. I hope that as we continue our friendship my friend will see all the many other areas of my life that are blessed, not just the number of children I do or do not have, as a living testimony that will soften her heart.

 

At May 24, 2008 9:40 AM,  Blessing God's Way said...

I had a similar experience with an Elder's wife from my church and it was "why would we have a baby shower for #3 baby, we already did one for her first baby?" - I was in shock - how could one baby not be as important to celebrate as the first? Does God see the first ones only worthy of being celebrated, I think not! That is what began my journey to my ministry that teaches women to celebrate EACH blessing - to give Him thanks for EACH one and to know EACH one is worthy of celebration and praise to God!

 

At May 24, 2008 12:15 PM,  Ginger said...

amazing and how sad! You have amazing strength. I would have added a not so nice comment like, what child of mine would you like me to put a sign on.

 

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